read with caution

wow another post ^__^ today wasn't all too interesting in my opinion LOLXD but, I suppose I did do a couple of things today such as clean my room, and just do whatever, like playing roblox—today I had also thought about k, only doing so because of the fact when I was cleaning my room I had found her lashes that she had left at my house the last time she had slept over, and also a drawing within an old notebook of mine.

I guess I miss her, though not entirely due to her negative repetitive actions and how she encouraged such unhealthy habits of mine—as you guys already know. but I suppose I miss the love bombing, and the touching even the good and bad, I don't know why, I feel disgusting when I think of her touch. but I miss the lovely words she told me although they were laced as nothing but white lies of how she truly viewed me. but even with all the touching said and done, and how she took my virginity—I can't help but cry and cry as I touch myself, and I'd always think of her and how she touched my body and told me how pretty I am which makes me feel like I have a part where I exactly don't know how to explain my feelings towards her, or how I perceive her. 

I won't lie I cried a bit when I saw the stuff that was left over, and for some reason I can't bring myself to throw any of it away. infact I just left them where they were. I guess the feeling sux obviously ¬_¬ but I guess if I think hard enough, really real hard—these thoughts of her would go away, I'll finally forget her and move on with my life, but it feels really hard to do so. since he influenced something so huge I don't think I'll ever forget as a part of an era in my life. but I guess things will get better, hopefully even though the hope feels so false, but I have people who support me now, even if they slightly don't get me a lot either with my complicated feelings—there is only so much they can do, and I don't blame them if they get tired of my rantings about her.

I haven't even admitted to my mom about her raping me. :(

but enough negative talk, at least tomorrow will be better cause I get to get my snakebite piercing bars smaller, and I get to have the triangular spiky black ones, isn't that exciting!!!!!!!!!!!! :D I can't wait tbh :P and I get to make macaroons with my mother, which I've never made before and she hasn't either, so hopefully the experience will be fun for the both of us lul

I guess that's it to this blog post, so I'm gonna end it here, thx 4 reading